User blog:JadeRiver11/Why Jesus is a banana (controversial conversation between Arien and I)
So uh this is rather rude to Christians but it’s all supposed to be a joke so don’t worry Also this will make no sense because you cannot tell what I wrote and what Arien wrote and we sorta jumped around a lot so it’s conversations in conversations and some parts were deleted because of personal info and too much... controversy and whatnot that Christians wouldn’t like. Plus we make a new paragraph when we are adding our thoughts but this sorta deleted the paragraph enterness Background info: we have this personal joke where I’m Jesus and she is hitler (don’t ask me how it happened) *magically halps with every little problem* BOOM I’M JESUS Oh dang Now I realize There is this boy I don’t like who says “I’m jesus” and ew no wondering why you don’t like him Maybe because he threatens your position as the only true redeemer? Well To say you’re God’s son is self-centered Well yes So there we have it, folks A dispute Who is the real Jesus?.???? I’m gonna place my bet on that banana over there That banana is probBly jesus Oops I ate jesus XD YikES I ATE THE SON OF GOD IM GONNA EXPLODE FROM ALL THIS HOLYNESS *laughs* (irl) Heeheheee That’s what friends do ...wait IM NOT FRIENDS WITH JESUS THAT DOENT WORK nope I’m friends with jade river Jesus go away no one likes you Lol Yeah then why did they make a whole religion with 2.2 billion followers based on him Because the Christians were reallllylyyy hungry Oh yes So they were like “go jesus make bread and we’ll write a book on you” OMF BANANA BREAD I’m GIGGLFIFJG lol So they decided to worship a banana Instead of eating it? Oh that makes sense IT does They were probably all hungry teenage boys Uh Like 30 year olds Like The people burned him because who follows a banana? BECAUSE THERE WAS A FAMINE AND CLEALY HE WAS THE MESSIAH COMING TO MAKE IT ALL BETTER YANNO LIKE “HELLO I AM THE MESSAIH I AM HERE TO SAVE ONE PERSON FROM DYING OF STARVATION and then he saved the dude who murdered him Uhhhhhhhh who does that? Because you murder a banana by eatin it Well yes or smooshing it NO YOU SKIN IT ALIVE AND THEN BITE ITS HEAD OFF THEN YOU EAT IT AHY AM I TYLING IN CAPS LOCK And there was a famine So he saved the dude who murdered him OH THATS WHAT THEY MEAN WHEN THEY SAY JESUSS DIED TO SAVE EVEYRONE oh BECAUSE THE POPE = EVYRONE BC HES SO AWESOME CLEARLY VERY MUCH SO He must have been really really really nice and insane he was a banana he didn’t have a brain Okay good point Or feelings Or limbs to nail to the different parts of the cross? nope He had a peel Oh right The Pope nailed his peels to the cross Like Peeled the banana and ate him hmm Then left his peel to dry in the sunshiny sun hmmhmmm THE CORRECT ANSWER TO THE NOMEXISTENT QUESTION IS JESUS = A BANANA THAT IS ALL YOU HAVE TO KNOW FOR THE NEXT TEST Uh okay jade you are a banana because if jade = jjesus and jesus= banana then jade=banana Um okay So I’m a cannibal now I GUESS YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY SIMPLE MATH CHILDREN I AM FRIENDS WITH A BANANA HALP Um your internet is being really glitchy it is my wifi hates me it’s gone on a anti-jesus crusade because I AM SECREE.T GOD YOU ARE MY CHILD Wait what WAIT WHAT .....I gave birth to a banana Oml laughing again Same BUT WAIT JESUS IS ACTUALLY GOD SO THAT MEANS YOU AND I ARE THE SAME THING????????? NO JESUSS WAS GODS SON AND HIM LIKE TWO DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES yeah so I mean PERSONIFICATIONS OR SOMETHING END CONCLUSION: JESUS WAS A GAY SUICIDAL BANANA WHO HAD SPLIT PERSONAITY DISORDER AND HE DIED TO SAVE THE POPE FROM THE SIN OF MURDERING HIM WHICH MAKES NO SENSE BUT JT DOES * angel will be so mad XD Ikr hopefully she’ll see that this is a joke YEAH ANGEL THIS IS A JOKE DON’T WORRY YOU’RE COOL AND WHATNOT Tbh everything I know about the forums is from like 7 months ago why do I find this so funny omf Because it is? And it sort of goes against everything we were taught? Also I mean how could I worship myself You’re just that self centered :P wait PLOT TWIST: jade= jesus jesus=banana Jesus= self centered boy =self centered Wait a minute, bananas don’t have genders shhh they do They basically ARE the gender…. o-kay you get what I mean right therefore this boy you don’t like is a banana and he has to be self centered Otherwise everyone would eat him Um okay? see You have to feel bad for those people Yeah his life isn’t probably the best right bananas have terrible lives They hang from trees till they’re rudely picked off which probably hurts a lot and then they’re shipped to cold places and put on hard wooden shelves and then bumped around a lot and finally one day someone takes them home and puts them out of their misery They are tasty though In oatmeal for breakfast And plain for lunch andandand Yeah we really should feel bad for bananas BANANA RIGHTS ACT #SaveTheBananas #BananasLivesMatter New siggy hashtage Lol jade we are gonna offend so many people I know D: finally I’d leave the forums Too bad they’ll have to deal with our super sense of humor Let’s keep this conversation so they know it’s a joke We need a comprehensive list Why Jesus Was killed And put it on the forums and make everyone liek “* you jade” It’s okay you can blame me lol he was a banana and there was a famine so the Pope killed him and ate him and he died to save the Pope from the sin of murdering an innocent banana (a bunch of things were deleted here (they’d don’t have to know this) (hush child I’m jesus I know everything) BUT JESUS I AM YOUR FATHER SO YOU GOTTA LISTEN TO ME (we are perfect angelic beings who are never r00d ever) (yes because of rooooodness)Noooooo don’t delete it D: our beauty he was a gay banana hiding in the refrigerator because the religion he invented decided to shun gay bananas,,,,,,,,and also gay cucumbers, so he committed suicide by telling the Pope he was in love with him and wanted to have about 22 billion babies with him Aka christians because everyone is gods son/daughter well that’s what they believe but uh this could be offensive soooo Oops I sorta wanna be banned? Idk why I feel like “wow jade a whole more than two years and you’ve never been banned? that’s because you’re jesus and you never ever be do anything slightly wrong or hurtful” Wait Butbut EVERYONE WHO WAS EVER ALIVE IS GOD’S CHILD SO REALLY THAT MEANS YOU ARE UNSUPERIOR JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE JESUS DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE BETTEE THAN ANY F THOSE BANANNAS nnnnooo it’s offensive we gotta keep it realistic WHAT AM I SAYING NOTHING MAKES SNEEE HASHGDGSHSNAAMAKA We really need to take a cool-down before the world dies from our craziness Well It doesn’t matter because you’re jesus, you can come back alive and save everyone and everything but then jesus is God’s son but Jesus is also god Yeah so So he gave birth to himself And then instead he just had babies with himself because he was god who gave birth to himself MIND BLOWN And he got tired of being gay and swooning over that pope so he left for heaven nope No one ever gets tired of being gay He dIED FOR THE SIN OF THE POPE THE SIN WAS MURDER THE MURDERÉE WAS BANANA HE WAS EATEN THERE IS A WHOLE RELIGION BASED AROUND THE EATEN-NESS OF A BANANA SEE PEOPLE GAY BANANAS HAVE RIGHTS TOO But there was no male angels there and his inner gayness was v v saaddddd So now, he spent a few thousand years getting ready to go back to earth So he can fall in love again Or maybe he’s already in love JES KN LOVE WITH ALL MALE FORUMERS My god XD Imagine him and ghost yes OR BANaNA AND JESUS TWO BANANAS HAPPILY IN LOVE Yeah but WAIT A MINUTE WHEN THEY MARRY JESUS’S NAME COULD BE “jesus banana” NO HIS NAME WILL BE “BANANA NO HOMO” Or Crimson Or something the former Banana Oh yeah XD AND THAT WAS HOW BANANA BREAD WAS CREATED BECAUSE JESUS WAS LIKE “cool dudes now to make you guys think I’m awesome I’mma make a ton of bread for you all” wellh when his peels dried in the sun the Pope took them down and ate that too So the Pope was put to death for cannibalism And also eating his spouse Yeah but remember back then they didn’t really burn people for cannibalism but the people didn’t like the pope because he ate the only food He ate the banana, remember? Okay So now I need to COPY THIS INTIRE THING AND PUT IT ON THE FORUMS GOD IT WILL MAKE NO SENSE THEY WON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WROTE AND WHAT I WROTE AND LIKE HOW WE START ANOTHER PART OF THE CONVERSATION IN AN OLD PART AND LIKE So the Pope was put to death and war happened The end P.S. the people ate the pope OR uh JESSIS GAVE BIRTH TO HIMSELF yeeeeaaaahhhhhh MINDBLOWN uhhh idk how I feel about that Yeah I think you must have felt pretty good because you were like “come son have a whole religion and like a land off of you” and all bananas forever would be shunned as gay jokes Yeah lol AHA NOW WE HAVE DEFINITE PROOF JESUS WAS GAY AND My * how do you come up with all these referances Smart little child SHHH I’m THE FATHER YOURE THE CHILD SHHH Excuse me How about I’m the father and you’re the smol child but you’re the banana And I’m god Therefore WAIT THAT MEANS IM JESUS OH NO NOW WE HAVE TO DECIDE WHO KESUSS REALLY IS ALL OVER AGAIN I THOUGT WE HAD THIS DECIDED DANG ...WAIT ACTUALLY NO WERE THE SAME BEING MINDBLOWN YET AGAIN Dang XD Peeled him and nailed his peel to some wooden planks YOU MAY KILL ME BUT ONLY ONE PERSON CAN BECAUSE YOU 22 BILLION PEOPLE ANT SHARE THIS BANANA Dang think of how small that must be Like atoms Pretty much SO only the Oope of the Roman Church got to ear it And GOT TO EAR IT YES HE GOT TO EAR IT SHUSH I’m TYPING FAST AND I MAKE TYPS Typs yes I can see TYPOS SHHHHH ALSO VERBAL TYPOS DOES THAT EVER HAPPEN TO YOU Yeah all the time Imagine us as co-workers irl… we’d get nothing done unless we were alone XD yeah like weren’t we doing a song? 22 billion years agoish?? the copy Yeah I think so XD lol NEW THEORY Aww thanks *hugs* you make everything better :P *hugs abck* yee dang where did my typing go Down with your banana oMG And funny and stuff lighter? :D Category:Blog posts